“How do we move forward when there is so much holding us back? “ Many couples express the frustration in trying to figure out how to make progress in their relationship when they are carrying around baggage from their past. Couples experience the same argument over and over again, and wonder how they will ever move past the same topics.
What does the research tell us?
Dr. John Gottman, an expert in the field of couples and relationship counseling, a researcher, author, and renowned psychologist writes that based on his research, only 31% of arguments among couples are ever completely resolved. Dr. Gottman divides couples into two categories, “Masters” and “Disasters.” He highlights how the “Masters” are able to accept some of the issues from their past and move forward, while the “Disasters” continuously rehash the past and have a difficult time accepting past experiences.
How can we move forward?
In my work with couples in my own practice, I find that the best work can be done when each member of the dyad can take responsibility for their actions in the past, and acknowledge their contribution to the discord in the relationship. However, the work is also in accepting the past and finding a way to move forward. As Dr. Gottman has discovered, it can be critical to relationship growth to accept what has happened and work on how to function in the relationship in the future. There are many strategies that couples can use to heal and grow, and I welcome you to reach out to me directly at 312-729-5089 if you think I can help you find happiness in your relationship again.