Q&A About Therapy with Mary Stazinski
Therapy isn’t just about working through pain, it’s about creating the insight, stability, and self-compassion needed to build a life that feels more aligned and authentic. In this Q&A, Empowered Therapy therapist Mary Stazinski shares how she helps clients navigate anxiety, trauma, relationship challenges, and major life transitions with warmth and intentionality. She explores the importance of emotional processing, recognizing long-standing patterns, and strengthening self-trust, helping clients develop healthier coping skills and deeper connections with themselves and others.
How do you work with students and emerging adults who feel overwhelmed by perfectionism or constant pressure to “have it all figured out”?
Answer: I approach perfectionism with curiosity, helping students and emerging adults explore where their high standards came from and what purpose they serve. Perfectionistic tendencies often develop for a reason, and I encourage clients to recognize the ways these standards may have helped them achieve goals, gain approval, or feel a sense of control. At the same time, we explore whether these standards are still serving them and how they may be helping or hindering their ability to live the life they want.
I also work with clients to develop a stronger sense of self-understanding and self-worth that is not solely tied to achievement. I acknowledge that the pressure to “have it all figured out” is pervasive in a culture that encourages constant comparison. While examining these comparisons, I support clients in identifying their own values, strengths, and sources of meaning so they can make decisions that feel authentic to them rather than ones driven by external expectations.
What does it look like in session when we’re working with an inner critic or negative self-talk?
Answer: When working with an inner critic or negative self-talk, I often start by encouraging clients to give that critical voice a name. Whether they simply call it their “inner critic” or give it a more personified or silly name, this can help create some distance from the voice and make it easier to examine rather than automatically accept what it says as truth.
A major focus of this work is increasing awareness. Often, people are experiencing self-critical thoughts throughout the day without fully noticing them. By developing greater awareness of how they are speaking to themselves and the messages they are internalizing, clients are better able to pause, reflect, and begin challenging those patterns. I also encourage clients to explore where these messages came from, as many of the beliefs we carry about ourselves originate from experiences, relationships, or expectations we encountered growing up or throughout adulthood.
I do not expect clients to eliminate all negative thoughts or suddenly replace them with positive ones. Instead, we often focus on developing a more balanced and compassionate inner dialogue. Even shifting from harsh self-criticism to a more neutral way of speaking to oneself can have a meaningful impact.
I also make space for the fact that many people have a complicated relationship with their inner critic. For some, it feels tied to motivation, achievement, or self-improvement. Clients may wonder, “If I stop being hard on myself, how will I continue to grow?” Rather than dismissing those concerns, we explore both the benefits and costs of the inner critic’s messaging and identify alternative ways to pursue goals that are rooted in encouragement, self-respect, and self-compassion rather than criticism.
How do you help clients explore career uncertainty or identity questions without pushing them toward quick answers?
Answer: When it comes to exploring career uncertainty or questions of identity, I first acknowledge the complexity and nuance involved. We are constantly growing, changing, and learning about ourselves throughout our lives. Rather than pushing clients toward quick decisions or definitive answers, I focus on helping them better understand themselves.
Together, we explore their values, interests, strengths, passions, and the experiences that have shaped them. Beyond simply identifying these qualities, we look at how they show up in everyday life and the role they might play in their career or identity.
What role does psychodynamic therapy play in your work with relational concerns or communication struggles?
Answer: Psychodynamic therapy plays an important role in my work with relational concerns and communication struggles because it helps clients understand the patterns that shape how they connect with others. I work with clients to explore early relationship experiences, including relationships with caregivers and other significant people in their lives, and how those experiences may continue to influence their expectations, emotions, and behaviors in current relationships.
Rather than focusing solely on symptoms or behaviors, psychodynamic therapy encourages a deeper exploration of the emotional and mental processes that drive them. I aim to help clients examine unresolved conflicts, significant life experiences, and recurring relationship patterns to better understand how those patterns developed and what purpose they have served.
As clients gain insight into these patterns, they are often better able to recognize how they show up in relationships and communication, creating opportunities for more intentional ways of relating to others.
The goal is not simply to understand the past, but to use that understanding to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the present
How do you support clients who feel stuck between who they are and who they think they “should” be?
Answer: When clients feel stuck between who they are and who they think they “should” be, I often begin by helping them explore where those expectations come from. Messages about who we should be can come from family, culture, peers, social media, past experiences, or broader societal expectations. I support clients in examining these influences and considering whether they truly align with their own values, goals, and vision for their lives.
A large part of this work involves helping clients distinguish between external expectations and their authentic sense of self. I encourage clients to explore what feels meaningful to them, what they value, and what kind of life they want to create. Sometimes clients discover that the standards they have been holding themselves to are not actually aligned with what matters most to them.
I also make space for self-compassion throughout this process. It can be painful to feel like you are not where you think you should be, and many people respond to that discomfort with self-criticism.
When these “should” statements are connected to perfectionism or high standards, I help clients explore where those expectations came from, how they have served them, and whether they are helping or hindering them in the present. If there are meaningful goals they want to pursue, I support them in identifying manageable steps forward without requiring perfection along the way.
What changes do clients typically notice when working on long-standing patterns over time with you?
Answer: When working on long-standing patterns over time, clients often begin to recognize and understand those patterns more clearly. What may have once felt automatic or confusing becomes something they can identify. This increased awareness creates more opportunity for choice, allowing clients to respond differently when a pattern is no longer serving them and decide which patterns they would like to maintain or change.
As therapy progresses, clients may notice changes in how they relate to themselves and others. This may look like communicating their feelings more openly, setting healthier boundaries, navigating conflict differently, or responding to challenges with greater intention rather than reacting automatically.
Many clients may also find that understanding the origins of their patterns helps them develop more self-compassion. Rather than viewing these patterns as personal flaws, they begin to understand how they developed and the ways they may have helped them adapt to past experiences.
This understanding can lead to greater self-forgiveness and a more compassionate relationship with themselves.